About My Testimony
I overshot my October 31st deadline by a couple of weeks. But I did get it done. (The vampire novel on the right is almost finished too.)
Right now I'm working on the final edits of the testimony and formatting it for publication. I have a title, now, and a cover, which you can see full-size below.
Coming Up with a Title
Picking the title was a challenge. My first choice was "Of Light and Dark." But there is more content on darkness, to be honest, than there is on light because I wanted the book to be true to life. So I decided against "Of Light and Dark."
My next idea was to name the book after the spirit who led me into, and through, the darkness. On a level that made sense because that was who I was chasing and the name that fit her best was kind of cool. But the whole book was not about her.
And it's not entirely about the title I went with either.
My Testimony Title and Cover
But the Spirit Dream was THE dream that started me on my journey away from the Faith and dreams figured prominently in much of what happened along the way. And even though the coming home part and all of it really was God, it felt kind of presumptuous to reference Him in the title.
So the title of my testimony is The Spirit Dream and the picture on the cover is how the spirit I called Ishtar looked when she first appeared to me in that dream.
The book will be available on Amazon and on Etsy and on my author website before the end of the year (and the vampire story will be finished in early 2024). I will be talking about select topics from the testimony on the podcast and possibly sharing some excerpts here on this site.
If you want to know more about the vampire story, you can check out my author website or substack
To get release updates for both books (and a freebie) please subscribe to: Barbara Graver's Email List.
I love podcasting. It makes it possible for me to share information in a more coherent way (usually!) than I do on video. For me video is different because I can't look at an outline or edit the material.
But I still love chatting on YouTube.
So, my idea is to do both. One podcast a month and one chatty YouTube video a month (below). I may revisit this at some point and pick one over the other. But this is what I want to do for now.
All content will be posted on my YouTube channel, but I probably won't put the chatty video posts on the podcast because I tend to make mistakes on them. And there is no way really to get a podcast back because of how syndication work with podcasts.
Anyway, in this video I chat about writing the witchcraft chapter of my testimony and what that's been like for and a bit about the testimony in general and why I've felt called to write it.
If you'd like to get notified when the book is done - and get my media and a free Sacred Heart Novena printable - via email please sign up for my email list here: http://eepurl.com/dwW47n
I forgot to give items numbers when going through the signs so I wanted to list them here. Please keep in mind that these things can ALWAYS simply be ordinary life stuff, but are given as possible indicators only.
- Something that comes out of nowhere
- The timing may be suspicious
- Spiritual warfare is often disruptive
- Whatever we're experiencing seems very out of character
- We may feel compelled to quit or tear things down
- Thoughts that are very negative – sometimes even accusatory
- Encountering actual obstacles in regard to what is being attacked
PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with spiritual warfare please go to confession, attend Mass and, if necessary, speak to a Catholic priest or if you aren't Catholic the faith leader of your denomination.
RESOURCES Some of the resources I mentioned are The Discernment of Spirits by Fr. Timothy Gallagher and Spiritual Warfare and the Discernment of Spirits by Dan Burke (both are available on amazon). The Opus Angelorum teaching I mentioned was actually by Fr. Wolfgang Seitz, ORC. It is available for purchase here.
To get the free Sacred Heart Novena printable mentioned in the episode, please sign up for my email list here: http://eepurl.com/dwW47n
If you like my content please subscribe to my email list or follow New Age To Catholic on most popular podcast apps!
My Struggle
I worked on the long form of my testimony all last week and by Friday I was ready to give up on it - with only one chapter left to write.
But it wasn't that last unwritten chapter that was at fault. It was another chapter - Chapter 7 - where I talk about my time as an Evangelical Protestant. Or try.
And the story isn't even all that complicated.
This is the short version:
My Experience
I left the New Age and occult in late 2017 (around the same time as New Age guru Doreen Virtue). Doreen Virtue didn't play a part in my decision to leave the New Age and occult. But she did influence me after.
For me, leaving the occult was life changing a lot of different levels. My blog was more popular than ever and my card reading business was growing. I taught tarot at a local holistic center and ran a couple of different groups.
More than that, my New Age persona had become my identity. So when I returned to Christianity, I interested in talking to other people who had done the same.
I joined a few of the Evangelical Protestant Facebook groups run by Doreen's fellow "New Age to Christianity" co-authors and others. I listened to what was said by the New Age to Christianity crowd and other Reform-leaning Evangelicals on Facebook and YouTube. I read books by John McArthur other Evangelical authors.
I began to believe what I was hearing. And the thing I was hearing the most was that the Bible contained the full and complete deposit of faith and that the Catholic Church had completely disregarded it in order to "make up" their own doctrine.
This belief was possible only because I didn't know anything really about the Church I'd left behind some 20 years earlier.
But I was not entirely comfortable with Protestantism across the board.
My Issues with Protestant Beliefs
I couldn’t help noticing that there was a lot of disagreement among Protestants about the interpretation of Scripture. And I sometimes felt that Bible passages were used out of context in order to prove a point.
I found idea that once we’re saved; we're guaranteed a place in heaven, no matter what, hard to accept.
But the thing that bothered me the most was the idea that God had stopped providing private spiritual revelation at the close of the first century. Especially because I knew for a fact that the enemy could, and did, reveal all kinds of things to humans in order to ensnare them.
To me, the idea that Satan could exert more influence over us than God, didn't seem right. And I believed then, and now, that God did give me a nudge from time to time.
So I was glad to discover John Wesley and the charismatic Protestant denominations. I parted ways with the Evangelicals. I went on to join a Pentecostal church where everyone believed that God was still talking.
I liked being a Pentecostal. But I still couldn't help feeling that there had to be more to getting to heaven than a single salvation experience.
This wasn't what brought me back to Church. That was God's doing. But, in my heart, I knew my objections were valid.
Trying to Write This in My Testimony
I have a lot of clarity about Protestantism and why it didn't work for me. I don't have any trouble talking about it on the podcast or on YouTube. I don't even mind writing about it here in the blog.
I also think there are a lot good things in the Protestant denominations. It was the Protestants who taught me how to love Scripture. Not the Catholics. And that is no small thing.
So I was very clear on what I wanted to say about my experience as a Protestant. But when I sat down to edit what I'd already Chapter 7 of my testimony, I felt so overwhelmed that I began to wonder if I shouldn't just forget about writing the testimony altogether, and move on to something else.
But I still felt called. So I decided to pray about it.
I asked my guardian angel to illuminate my intellect. I asked Mary to intercede on my behalf. I asked Jesus to show me if writing my testimony was, or wasn't, part of His plan.
And then, I listened to Women of Grace on EWTN.
Which is something I rarely do.
The First Door
The Second Door
The Third Door
I think that when we have a desire on our heart - and this is just... good advice for everyone. When we have a deep desire on our heart I think it's beautiful to take that before the Lord and to ask Him... to help us to see - is this coming from... a prompting of the Holy Spirit or is it coming from myself? [Because] every Ministry that God raises up, He raises up for a purpose. [So] when we have a desire and we know that it's a holy desire, then we assume that the Holy Spirit is prompting. And as I always told the Lord - especially when He was leading me to give Fiat to what it is that I do today (and I didn't know what it was I just had this tremendous desire that was burning in me I thought my heart would burst... [and] I wanted to do whatever it was...) I made a promise to Him - and I've lived by this promise - and that is: I will walk through every door that You open. You open the door and I will walk through. - Johnnette Williams, Women of Grace Episode August 28, 2023
In this episode of New Age To Catholic, I share a recent experience related to spiritual warfare. This cropped up when I was working on my testimony and guidance I received on EWTNs Women of Grace really did help!
To read the blog post on this topic, please see All God's Doors!
And if you like my content, please consider subscribing to my channel!
The apologist I mention in this episode is John Martignoni. His newest book is A Blue Collar Answer to Protestantism: Catholic Questions Protestants Can’t Answer!
- The name of the author I mention in the video is John Martignoni. His book Blue Collar Apologetics: How to Explain and Defend Catholic Teaching Using Common Sense, Simple Logic, and the Bible (affiliate link) is available on Amazon
- Please note: This post includes affiliate links. This means that if you purchase something through on of my links, I'll earn a small percentage from the sale - at no cost to you.
This is my 20th podcast episode overall and my second podcast in a row on the topic of angels. And I'll be honest; I have very mixed feelings about podcasting on God's holy angels.
I want to talk about what I'm learning about the angels. I'd like to try to counteract some of the misinformation out there on the topic. And I would like to make up for having contributed to that during my time in the New Age.
But I'm finding it difficult. Writing a blog post isn't too bad but podcasting is challenging. But I'm going to keep at and see how it goes. For now.
Anyway this is my most recent episode. It's based on insight I had when reading about angels in the Bible.
About This Episode
What can we do to build a better relationship with our Guardian Angel? What is one key thing we can do in order to benefit from his guidance?
In this episode of the podcast I talk about the first of Fr. Matthew Hinck's 12 steps to building a better friendship with our guardian angel.
The Scripture reference for this episode is drawn from Luke 1 & 2 which talks about St. Gabriel's annunciation to the Blessed Mother and Gabriel's earlier visit to Zacharias to announce the birth of St. John the Baptist.
The teaching reference for the episode is Fr. Matthew Hinck's retreat conference The Guardian Angels and Our Spiritual Life which is available as an MP3 download from OpusAngelorum.org.
For more on this topic please see: Grace or the Lack of It and 12 Ways to Deepen Our Friendship with the Angels
About Today
About the Blog
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| Taken two years ago on Assumption Sunday in my home town. |
Mary concieved without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
There was a time when I was fascinated with cemeteries. When I was involved in paranormal investigation and mediumship, in fact, they were my favorite place for recording EVPs and taking spirit photos.
A Paranormal Memorial Day
Back to the Cemetery
The first rule: in persons who are going from mortal sin to mortal sin, the enemy is ordinarily accustomed to propose apparent pleasures to them, leading them to imagine sensual delights and pleasures in order to hold them more and make them grow in their vices and sins. - The Rules of St. Ignatius
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